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Help Your Child Deal with the Loss of a Pet
Pets have a special place in the family. Pets are friends, companions, playmates, guardians and even family members. Pets are treasured for their companionship and the unconditional love that they offer. Sadly, pets have a shorter life span than people. The shorter life span makes dealing with the death of a pet almost inevitable. Dealing with the death of a pet is the downside of pet ownership. However, pet ownership offers many emotional rewards that make pet ownership a joy in spite of this.
The death of a pet is sad for everyone in the family. Children experience the death of pet differently than adults do. The death of a pet may be the very first experience that a child has with death. How a child experiences the grieving process brought on by the death of a pet depends a lot on their age and maturity. Very young children probably cannot conceive death as permanent, but as children get older, they begin to understand that death is permanent.
When a pet dies, or is dying, parents have the opportunity to explain death to their child. Explain that everyone is sad about the loss, but that the pet's body just stopped working and the pet is gone. Children may react with regressive behavior or withdrawal. Children may experience feelings of guilt if they imagine that did something to cause the pet's death. Parents should assure their child that they did not cause the pet to die.
Be honest with children about the loss of a pet as you explain the loss. It may seem easier to tell a white lie and say the pet has disappeared, but this is a disservice to the child. When the child figures out that their parent was untruthful, it will erode trust and damage your future relationship.
Many people use the euphemism "put to sleep" for euthanasia. Adults understand what the term means, but a child will find this term confusing. This confusion may even lead to sleep anxiety and sleep disturbances.
There are recognized stages of grief that are taught in grief support groups. Children may experience the stages of grief, so it is good idea for parents to understand them and to anticipate the stages of grief. The stages of grief are: denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance.
If a pet is ill and may die, it is important for the parent to explain what is happening as soon as possible. If euthanasia is being considered, explain that this may need to be done before it is necessary, so the child can start to understand that the pet is sick and in pain and that death would put an end to the pet's pain. How a parent explains the meaning of death depends upon their own religious beliefs. However you explain death, it is important to explain that the pet has died and that means that the pet won't be coming back. Use the words death and dying so that the meaning is clear.
It may help the child to understand death if they can see the pet lay out, just like in a human funeral. It may help to have a memorial service for the pet and a formal burial. Some people bury their pet in a pet cemetery so they have a place to visit. A memorial can also be made by planting a tree in the yard. Make a scrapbook or memory box along with your child as a momentum of their pet.
Encourage the child to express their feelings. It is okay to tell the child that it is a sad event for you too. Explain that even though nobody likes to be sad, this is a sad event, so it is okay to have feelings of sadness. Encourage your child to open up with their emotions to speed the healing process. It may help to give the child art supplies and ask them to draw a picture.
It is natural for parents to want to erase their child's pain by rushing out to purchase a new pet. While well meaning, this can be a mistake because it conveys the impression that the family pet is replaceable. Let the child express interest in another pet before taking another pet into your home.
The death of a pet is a loss the entire family will grieve. Help your child to say good-bye to their pet with honesty and tenderness.